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Wednesday, December 25th, 2002
11:11 pm
m1nx. (what can I say? thankyou, EM I LY honey.)
WISHING YOU A FABULOUS CHRISTMAS, filled with fantastic family, friends& food (!!!).  love.

break the rules

Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
10:59 pm - it's not a secret/ it's a surprise
suck .diary-x.com

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Thursday, December 12th, 2002
8:49 pm - closure doesn't necessarily mean fucking me one last time
498days, 8:49pm, 298 posts.   WHAT CAN I SAY?

    there is that feeling you get with all artworks you make when you know IT IS TIME &you have finally come to the moment when you must let go: any less, it is incomplete, any more, it is OVERDONE. sometimes takes months; others, nothing more than a few days.       don't look so shocked baby: you knew it was coming all along.    I AM LIVING UP TO MY REPUTATION ONCE MORE.     [ it is runawaygirl for a reason, darling. this time, it just took me longer to runaway. ]       don't you worry though: I am not leaving. I don't think we could ever part. I JUST NEED SOME TIME, 'cause sometimes I need to remember who I do this for. set up camp somewhere, make pages again -do something more creative outside this blinking little box that I love much too dearly !! leaving me here lazily settling for nothing more. OR a new name, new identity, a new journal ? IF, if someone could spare a code ?   maybe something more. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.     p.s. Istillliveformyfriendspagethough, shh h h !!  so farewell, my baby. you have been so good to me. xx x x x xx   x   xuntil we meet again ..

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
10:40 pm - cat fight club !
vampy rubyjane &jay
RUBYJANE is such a beautiful JEM, I lovelovelove that girl !!   spent the ENTIRE DAY! with her at the city: honestly, the strangest things happen whenever we're together. [!!!]      

today
xx I got hit on by a PIRATE (no, really. he had the black eye patch &even the "arrr!" thing goin' on.)
xx saw an old, old friend/STALKER of mine.   he was astounded & kept on repeating "you've changed so much!" whilst I smiled politely w. my pretty lies &know that he hasn't changed at all.
xx we were the BARGAINQUEENs !! everything was on sale!
    - ONE dr seuss top !   [ that, is honestly EXCITING! ]    $25
    - ONE pretty pink flowy top    $35
    - christmas wrapping paper @$1/ 5M !!!
    - funky photo albums [300+] @ $10/ each
    - a MICROPET (gak) for su    $19.95
    - ART SUPPLIES ( lots& lots of paper+ shit )    $4.95
    - 20M of black ribbon for ONLY $1.10 !!!
xx curiousity killed the cat: whilst in the fitting rooms, we [ very guiltily, may I add ] uh, MAY have, um, played with su's present. sortof. for40mins. ( !!! )
xx taken over by a stampede of senior citizens who wouldn't let us move.   trust me, 100+ of these adorable 80yr old grandparents looked deadly in their own little gang.
xx walked up &down GEORGE ST. [ from king st. to market city ] 5TIMESOVER, literally !!!
xx .. ALL (&more!) whilst constantly laughing hysterically at EVERYTHING&ANYTHING that seemed remotely funny at the time.
xx put my resume in at DANGERFIELD, yay! I hope I get an interview, at least: it requires previous experience, so hopefully my bullshitting will get me something.     ** I am   s tre  e tc h   i ng!   my measly 2WKS in retail to a month or two.  no biggie.
xx I am getting a CITIZENSHIP award &prizes for yrbook editor =score!   woe is me: all those months I've strolled in nearing lunchtime &saying I've been at 'yearbook', & those other times where I've wandered into yrbook well after that, saying I've been in 'class'.   school is so harsh. ;)

naomi jana J sylvie su

I am wickedly jealous of JOCASTA (CAS) PERRY. the maraschino cherry stem tongue tying type, fuck-you-&-leave-you: deadly sexy, seductive &nonchalent= the girl who knows EXACTLY what she wants and gets it. [of course]    She doesn't believe in love either-- she is a cold hearted, cynical bitch, screw-the-ending -- which simply makes her fucking amazing. SHE IS MY ROLE MODEL. mm m m.

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Monday, December 9th, 2002
11:33 pm - tangled in bullshit &betrayal
girl_X recreated: hopes + dreams of young people
IS IT BETTER TO FEEL PAIN THAN NOTHING?
DOES IT FEEL BETTER TO PERSEVERE OR TO GIVE UP?


   xx I believe LIFE is not worth living if you have no passion to show for it: may it be laughter, happiness, sadness, pain. To be devoid of feeling is to be dead, there is nothing more I am sure of than that.     (It is better to feel pain than nothing.)    I have always believed in that since I was young: I knew I was going to LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE LIFE (my motto) to its UTMOST, nothing less. At the end, I want to be able to say "I have lived my life" with such certainty &pure satisfaction, feeling a sense of sweet victory that each word is wholly true. Most people think that only experiencing the good counts, but I digress. I wish to experience everything, the dark side included.       It is for this reason that I [particularly] indulge in all my irrepressable, erratic teenage moods: there is a much satisfaction in expression.

I know if I was to open my heart and let everyone see what was inside it, I would be scared. Scared of having someone ridicule what I was truly feeling. Scared of someone playing with my emotions and using them to deceive or trick me.


   Perseverance, is also another trait I feel strongly about  (Passion is the other). What can I say, I am a stubborn little girl.   But truly, honestly: why even bother beginning if you are just going to give up anyway? THERE IS NO POINT.  I believe once you have started something - particularly something difficult - you have accepted the challenges that go along with it, spoken or not.   Although admittedly, yes, sometimes it IS so much easier to give up, but where is that frame of mind ever going to get you? Sticking to it reaps rewards, if nothing more than the satisfaction of completing the task, surprising yourself for your courage and ability to get yourself this far.

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Sunday, December 8th, 2002
10:56 pm - mommy when I grow up, I want to be BARBIE !   (the bitch has everything)
I am quite SATISFIED at this moment. it's funny how you can spend a good many hours BITCHING, WHINING & MOANING about how shitty you feel, yet when everything is going amazingly well, there is much more hesitation: as though no matter the number words you use, nor how well you have chosen them could justify this feeling of happiness.

I AM WHAT YOU HAVE MADE ME.
TAKE ALL THE PRAISE, TAKE ALL THE BLAME;
TAKE ALL THE SUCCESS, TAKE ALL THE FAILURE;
IN SHORT, TAKE ME.


spent the day at fiona's w. the rest of the girls, playing and squealing like overgrown 4 -year old girls.   running through the sprinklers, pigging out on cake& making cocktails, playing charades, twister, celebrity heads, dress -ups & cranium, chasing after each other, whispering about boyy y s, ready to pounce with mock kung -fu karate kickboxing moves, being catwalk models & professional actresses, singing old -school karoke songs like drunk old men & dissolving into fits of giggles under a messy pile of bodies once some crazy cow decides to yell  'STACKS ON!'.   why does everyone want to grow up so quickly ?     there is something so blissfully tender in childlike ignorance & naivety I adore all too much.

current mood: nostalgic

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Friday, December 6th, 2002
3:29 pm - oilpastels: smoky charcoal black
the smoky, grey, choking clouds
have consumed the air, the skies,
properties, engulfed
memories of peoples' entire lives & now even a person.

i can smell in the air, in my hair, in yr skin.
the sirens wail every so often as the fire trucks
rush past to quench the fires inching closer &closer
here. there is nothing more frustrating than knowing
you can't do anything, all you can do is wishprayhope
that everyone will be safe &ok.

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Thursday, December 5th, 2002
10:29 pm - pretty baby
if I ever forget to mention this:
LAST NIGHT WAS FUCKING AWESOME !!!!
Sunday, December 1st, 2002
10:42 pm - santa I've been an awful good girl this year

xmas001

I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME. it is DEFINITELY (by far) my favorite time of the year, there is always so much EXCITEMENT& lots of beautiful decorations, accompanied by PRESENTS& muchmuch! PARTYING !! It never fails to make me feel like a giddy four yr old. (!!!)       christmas is love, innocence &childhood fancies manifested.   put up the tree today w/ mom& syd whilst adorned in neverending strands of pearls& other christmas decorations: red&gold this time, IT IS GORGEOUS. took a handful of leftover decorations &dressed up FRED(my cactus).        


aliceisabitch!


I am TIRED, TIRED, TIRED- finally finished getting everything together for the formal today (minus hair&makeup appointments, oops?). I am making a conscious effort to be EXCITED about it, because I know that if I believe it will be complete, utter SHIT, then obviously, that's what's going to happen. now, I've accepted the fact that it will be shitshitshit &i'm getting ready to shake everything& everyone up a bit, defy that preconceived notion & have a bit of fun with that .. mm m m  m.

tell me, I'd like to know:
is there anything more to life than
family& friends
sex, parties &boys
cash$$moneycars &clothes ?
IS THIS IT?

It gives you such a warm, fuzzy feeling when aquaintances remember &think of you when you least expect it.       [ although, when was I going to get to know that they were planning to go into regional dance AND have me co -choreograph it, if I didn't accidentally stumble upon her blog? ]    

I am shitty at making KEEPING promises.


It is officially summer: I have been eating magazines &watermelons up by the minute, painting pretty pictures &being too brown!  from languidly lying MUCH too long in the sun.  I have a thousand& one reasons why I feel like change is on its way ..

P.S. I think I'm in love with pictures again.  they speak with so much more eloquence than I could ever pull off.       oh, &most of these words are slyly cut&pasted from entries you can't see: there are more than you think.

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Friday, November 29th, 2002
8:29 pm - a palm to palm is a palmer's kiss
i love the rain.
the pitter -patter splash! sounds,
the beautiful fresh smell it has,
the taste of it on yr lips as you
laugh yr way home in the afternoon,
&indulging the CRAZY irrepresable need to dance,
despite being completely &utterly drenched !!!
>>> black bra+ no umbrella =
white schoolblouses go see -through, you know.

it feels so good,
I LOVE EVERY MOMENT OF IT.
everything is flooded with such fabulous rich, vivid colors that make familiar places look amazingly intense &brand new.

x
x
x

although this time, the feeling that came
with the storm was more than overwhelming.

the heat recently has been up past the 40 degree mark& in the city here it was absolutely UNBEARABLE! it was deliciously warm at times, but most couldn't quite handle it, turning shades of bright pink to dark browns. (i don't burn, what of that? heh.) but as of late, there have been many, many bushfires on the outskirts of syd- often arson- not to mention one of the worst droughts ever for the country rural areas.

it has been absolute relief, wonder, amazement that it has finally POURED &left me drenched like it did today- hopefully also there where they need it most- because if anything that's what everyone needs right now.

rain is always a good sign. of hope, starting fresh, doing everything over again. I love new beginnings, they show so much promise, don't you think?
Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
10:16 pm - sl ii i i ide left, sli i ii ii i de right !! !
EVERYTHING is driving me mad.  
city chinese botanical gardens


mood -swings to the max: I am increasingly irrate, im pati e nt .. EXTREMELYPASSIONATE: anger glows brightly, heated &intense BUT as quickly as it lights up, it burns out. I don't understand my emotions either-- I am weak, not strong: always at its mercy. I laugh hysterically without reason, sincerely FORGOT to eat anything!! for 2days & you know what? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I am as dramatic as you can get, baby.


I want to believe it when you tell me I AM CRAZY/BEAUTIFULCollapse )

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Monday, November 25th, 2002
8:58 pm - she was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
today was INTERESTING, to say the least. ( that is nothing short of THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YR )  

I met up with a rather dumbfounded ex- boyfriend [ JORDAN ] early this morning to flirt, flaunt, use, abuse-- his look was absolutely priceless !!!! ( " um. wow. so, like, are you sure you don't want to, you know, hang out OR SOMETHING today?"       'oh I'm sure, honey. I'm goin' to school .. '         "since when did you go to school ! ?! !!"     WHEN I WANT TO MAKE YOU SQUIRM, BABY. ) to top it off, bought especially! in lieu of his recent dumping, I got him the h ott est!! PLAYBOY boxers, ever. --> SCORE !!

got into the HUGEST! hissyfit when our rather meek, I-will-kiss-yr-ass-because-you-told-me-to yrbook teacher told me that we had to fckn CUT one of the major features of the YRBOOK, without reason !! ! !   I was ready to take down the Principal and attack her, but Ruby wouldn't let me & spent 15mins telling me that it wasn't exactly a good idea !!!   ( she knows me too well, I think. <3<3 )   she, however, loved the feature article I wrote on her, showering endless praises -- she's retiring this yr -- which was just as well, otherwise I would have not been happy !!! she didn't know that I'd thrown the hissyfit & she was excessively nice to me, as always.     [ sometimes they just make it SO HARD! for me to stay sullen and resentful. ]   I came away unscathed &calm after I'd 'comprimised' ( i.e. stubbornly argued !! ) & agreed to cut out ONLY a section &change the end, providing she gave me more material for it too. WE ARE BRATTY BITCHES.  got pretty good references from her to the head teacher english, which is entirely not a bad thing at all, because I intend on taking the max. # of units for the adv. senior course .. yeowch. I need all the help I can get !!

LUNCHTIME: annualschooltalentquest.   there were the HOTTEST acts-- esp. my gorgeous little asian girls who did the MADDEST r &b/hip -hop dance to the MADDEST remix.   the boys didn't do so badly either; they won 2nd prize ! ?!   the judges this yr though were too harsh for our jolly little school &Mr Reis ( a teacher who is honestly, the BIGGEST bitch-- yes, I mean BITCH !!! )   kept on booing people off and cutting them off if it didn't interest him .. funny shit !!   they gave the "LAST" prize to this chick who, honestly, kept on persisting with her song &REFUSED! to get off the stage !!! prize: a wooden spoon !!         loud, rowdy & bitchy: nay made this jnr chick nxt to us cry !! ( she was saving FOUR! fckn seats for her "friends" who DIDN'T SHOW!! & wouldn't budge even if the fckn thing was HALFWAYTHROUGH! & they weren't there!   "just because yr seniors, doesn't mean you can .. !!!" &ofallthefcknthings! she starts wailing&crying&snivelling right there and then !!!   OH PLEASE! what did you expect from us, sympathy or some shit ?     we are cruel heartless bitches without a conscience- ANYONE WILL TELL YOU THAT !!!  &we couldn't back off 'cause we were being fckn nice about it, 3PEOPLE crammed onto ONESEAT!! when it's 40+ degrees outside &everyone's HOT&SWEATY ... for SHIT'S SAKE !!   get over it !   )

note -to -self: the people you hate don't necessarily hate you back, too !!!   I spent a good 1/2 an hr talking to Jackie ( jaqueline chan! ) rather civily .. charming.   I have this sneaking suspicion, however, this might not last .. nxtwk @ the formal. ( refer to previous entry )     I am ready for bitchfights &catfights, yumyumyum.

xx x xxx x x x x xx xx x x x x x

1231: I finished 2 /10+ FABULOUS christmas cards, courtesy of starjaydramaqueenproductions =EXCELLENT !! !

I expect someone to come up to me ANYDAYNOW!! &scream "stop being so apathetic/ cocky/ bratty ! !! ! ! !"

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Sunday, November 24th, 2002
11:07 pm - SUCK ON YR LOLLIPOP
I <3<3 THE CITY, especially at night !! there is something exquisitely beautiful, mysterious &utterly sexy about the moon ..

fabulous, new journal= EXCELLENT.   reddish -orange, spiral bound & THICK, uh hell yeah.
my ego has been excessively overfed during the past 3 days.
xx wicked sense of fun, man. you know how to show people a great time +liven up the place.
xx you've got a great personality and have tons of self -confidence. I wish I was like you. (!!!!)
xx you are a beautiful, individual person; very creative and inspiring.
xx you have such a pretty smile !!  you laugh a lot, too.
xx you are an awesome person, extremely creative and are very passionate in everything you do. you're also very talkative.
xx outgoing, fun & fun to be with.
xx stylish- glam girl! you know how to get what you want.
xx shooot for the moon --> star --> beautiful --> kick arse chick !
xx damn girl, why are you so good? I ENVY YOU!
xx funky style, I love yr fashion sense.
xx yr always so happy and cheerful, how do you do that ?!
on the other hand, my friends are worried about me stealing naive little schoolgirls' dates nxt wednesday [OURFORMAL!] &blatantly hooking up with them, in front of them.   "only if they're worth stealing, honey."  which I suppose, if they keep on freaking out &repeating it over&over&over&over again like they do, I am quite safe in saying it must be quite a worry throughout the grade =HILARIOUS.

! !!! ! ! !! !! ! ! !! ! !my mom wants to enrol me in a summer course which, takes up 4SWEETDAYS of my vacation, goes from 9AM - 3PM AND $355 (incl. gst) rather cockily claims that I shall emerge from the seminar "confident and motivated towards [my] studies and possess powerful new strategies for speed reading, advanced understanding, summarising, memorising and revision, essay planning, stress management, time management, goal setting and correct study methods."  how do you tell yr impossibly sweet mother that this is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT !?!!  shoot me now.

my father thinks I am: his baby girl, no matter what !
my mother thinks I am: beautiful, no matter what !
my brother thinks I am: fabulous. He shows me off to all his friends, no joke.
my grandma thinks I am: a JEM, an awesome dancer- although in her opinion, not quite as grand as she was "when I was yr age !!"
my grandpa thinks I am: adorable, fiercely spirited &strong minded.
my ex- boyfriends think I am: a tease. ;P
my best friend thinks I am: passionate, wildly amusing & can have fun whenever, wherever !!

your three best qualities: I am passionate. creative. I possess the gift of laughter; always laughing.
your three worst qualities: I am easily jealous, impatient and quick to temper.
three things you are often complimented for: my charisma, my smile & my clothes !!
a compliment you got that made you blush: I don't blush, but inwardly, it would definitely be: I wish I was like you.
you get embarrassed when: you see, the thing is-- I DON'T. so sue me ;)
what makes you happy: laughter. my family. writing. life. art/ paint. shopping. fabulous friends. being chic in downtown, innercity cafes.
what upsets you: friends turned enemies. or even worse, into someone you barely even know. oh, &insecure, assuming bitches.

yes /no
you keep a diary: yes
you like to cook: the wok (+along with everything else in it) burst into flames the last time I tried.
you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: oh- so- many.
you fold your underwear: sometimes ?
you talk in your sleep: I think so. I laugh more, but that's not often either, though.
you set your watch a few minutes ahead: YES!! I need to do this, otherwise I will be even MORE! late than I always am.
you bite your fingernails: on the odd occasion.
you believe in love: I wish I did. I want to give it a 2nd chance-- but I want proof that it won't hurt me again. ( ain 't gonna happen, sweetie )   but then again, it will never come if I play this part of icequeen bitch, nor am I the kind of person to back down from something because it 's hard &it hurts. [Iamafraidofcommittment.] isn't hate merely the result of wounded love?
update: One of my former, once -really -good-now- DEFINITELY-notsogood [jealoustype] friends just called me and meekly asked if I'd like to contribute to buying one of my former, once-I-fucking-hate-you-with-a-passion-bitch-enemy turned quite amiable, possibly even better friends a formal dress because her mom [ who is apparently the devil incarnate in disguise as a strict, middle -aged, extremely Christian mother ] won't buy one for her.  FAIR ENOUGH. I said yes, I don't mind at all, although once I hung up the phone I thought-- why did it feel ever so strange that it all turned out this way in the end ?

p.s. I bought a set of brand, spankin' new OIL PASTELS yesterday and I almost ran into a beautiful little girl barely 3 feet tall! singing THE KETCHUP SONG !!!  it was - by far!! -the cutest, most adorable thing I have ever, ever seen.

break the rules

Thursday, November 21st, 2002
9:34 pm - there are a dozen ways to die &ten thousand ways to live
primadonna: I have OBSCENE amounts of makeup that are eating up my vanityspace. </font></p>

I am on my last $50!!!  ( I NEED A JOB. ) & I need to buy presents+cardboard+artyshit to  ma k e my Christmas cards this yr. !!!!  trust me, I'm terribly EXCITED about this: I haven't done this since I was 4 !!  </font>

peer support training today& tomorrow!  [ say what?  exclusive to hot! ha- ha -- gr11 chicks who are chosen as a leaders, to basically baby -sit the new, baby gr7 girls that come in next yr, help them settle in, make new friends &BE COOL BY ASSOCIATION !!  hah! ]  it's mad -awesome .. put into completely random groups with the "little people"  ( YES, I am aware I am a bitchwhatcha gonna do about it tho, huh huh huh !?!! ! ?? ! )  who I have found don't quite dislike me at all, are terribly nice and are rather wonderful, actually.  I <3love<3<3 compliments. ;)

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
5:44 pm - measure yr popularity by the number of enemies you have !!
I hate you.  or (as I said, much more tactfully) I never liked you in the first place.  it never fails to SURPRISE me how much I truly underestimated yr willingness to go so low!! as to manipulate her like that.  _ nor did I comprehend yr lack of thought and absolute stupidity towards this.</font></p>

that's why you never confronted me in the first place, why you could only BITCH about us behind yr backs. (if only I were as low as you, I would tell you exactly why many people truly don't think much of you at all. yr patheticpatheticpathetic !! nothing better to do in yr life than bitch, don't you remember, YOU SAID SO YOURSELF !!!)  I didn't think of it at first, but you two are too afraid to take me on because if you did I would have told you exactly what people think of you & yr afraid that IT'S PROBABLY TRUE. "you can't handle the truth !!" nor are you strong enough, or confident enough to know what the point is.

it doesn't actually bother me the way you bitch, mock & hate me, because SO SUE ME- I do that to you too. we could probably have gone on mutually hating each other quite quietly, like me and sara !  [ I don't stay anywhere near her, nor does she w/ me ]  what really pissed me off is that you can't think or act rationally about it. IT'S THE fucking formal table, for SHIT'S SAKE !!!  going back to my first point, I've always hated disliked! you two, from the beginning. but you see, despite our differences, the fact that we're all really good friends with ANNIE is the ONLY reason why we're fucking stuck together on 'yr' table. I'D RATHER NOT SIT WITH YOU BITCHES EITHER!!  but the truth is, I am more reasonable than that. only for ANN'S sake am I sitting there w/ you, and for her sake am I willing to be fucking NICE about it. sulks is being fucking nice about it too and it's DRIVING ME CRAZY how you can manipulate her because truth be told she doesn't want to sit with you bitches either !!!   reality is, if you had it your way, it'd only be you 2 with yr fckn measly dates. CHARMING,  h o n e y-  just CHARMING.

I know who my friends are, and I am so fckn glad this fake plastic group charade is  O V ER.              ( why did this ever get so MESSY ?  )

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Monday, November 18th, 2002
5:47 pm - funny how a few words turn into sex
3monthsago: "that ORGASMIC flush suits you so much, honey."
&now? There is nothing WORSE than sexual frustration.
Sunday, November 17th, 2002
6:29 pm - goodgirls are really badgirls that haven't been found out yet
I am a SELF -CONFESSED snobby, egotistical, sarcastic bitch. I am always right! although sometimes, even if I don't say it-- I know that isn't true. I play fast&hard, talkin' rough with words too harsh         ( can you handle that? )       mad  DRIVEN  passionate  decadent  anti- authoritarian  unintentional: rebelwithoutacause.  xxxxx   abovebelowbeyond rules made to be broken /pushing EXTREMITIES .   [un?] reasonably insecure, even if you don't think so.  PERSISTENTLY st u bb or n, I only do what I want, when I want.   I have issues with PRIDE. ( i will not back down, even if I realise I am wrong. )   I am nice enough to people I know. I am much nicer to those I don 't: I tell strangers secrets I would NEVER tell even my closest! friends.   I have ridiculously HIGH standards I expect you and you and you to meet I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE &definitely much too judgemental .. . especially with myself.  I value my privacy- I hate people who DON'T KNOCK.         I ADORE my family. <3<3 <3       I respect people who don 't suppress their individuality for the sake of society's standards.   Don't tell me I don't feel the irrepressible need to BELONG too, honey.   "But you're stronger than I am."     Bullshit !!

ONE TIME HE HAD TOLD HER HE LOVED HER.   'Love? What does that mean? It's a logo like on the Coke can or on a packet of cheese. It's a generic brand name for sex.'   Humbly he had not said it again, because wasn't she right about it being the word plastered on anything and everything?
I don't know what to do with compliments. I never have. WHAT IS REAL IS NOT EXTERNAL BUT THE ESSENCE OF THINGS-- brancusi. It is true how they say that beauty is a matter of perception, because the girl in the mirror doesn't look any different to me. older, yes. wiser. more brash, more trash.   You could never tell how old she is, really-- not if you didn't know her.   6 -yr old, messy pigtails in a white tank top & jeans.     LOOK CLOSER. ( yr eyes give it all away. )   1921 -yr old, smouldering dark smoky eyes, armed with a lighter & kitten heels. I 've never felt like my age: what's 141516171819 to you ?     last friday:   lovelovelove to lynnie& kim, thankyou- yr absolute JEMS. <3   "happy sweet si x t ee n, darling: 1, 6, or 16- you'll always be my baby princess."   My Mom was so excited.   ( she doesn't know 1 /2 of the things I do )   daddy darling, however, doesn't know what to do with me anymore. He knows I can take care of myself but I think even that scares him beyond reason. parents are so cute.     yr a good girl, that's what makes me trust you. [ i've run out of words: that is all. ]

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
10:32 pm - to alcohol, the cause &solution to all life 's problems
I need some CHANGE around here, people. I'm restless and bored: everything down to partying feels like a chore. ( who would have thought? )  it seems like everyone's leaving me behind with their fabulous new changes in their lives [ namely boys and new places ] and I hate - rather uncharacteristically, might I add- sitting here! like this waiting for something like that to happen to me, too.

I bought my BEAUTIFUL red cocktail dress and it is ho t ttt t !! on a sidenote: I adore boutiques- chatswood =MELBOURNE. pity J won't be here to see it .. PSST- want some SCANDAL, honey?  I DON'T HAVE A BOY to take for my formal, OH MY. ( yeah, i thought you'd say that. )  shall I shake it up with a gangster boy, perhaps a thug or two ?  ha -ha. still a couple of wks tho; I'LL LET YOU KNOW. ;)

spending this friday with family, contrary to popular belief ! <3<3   TEPPENYAKI sounds excellent & picking up $ $$$ $$ on the way doesn't sound too bad, either. the girls are taking me out to lunch (SAT) & off to do pretty, girly things; not sure what's going on saturday night, but I don't want to feel OBLIGATED to party. ( I don't know what's wrong with me, either !!! ) I hope this isn't growing up, 'cause it sure ain't fun. the withering corpse of a child is an adult.

EXAMSAREFINALLYOVER!!! I am picking up the offending foot high pile of notes that literally! cover my floor (AT THAT HEIGHT!) and tossing it into the BIN. byebyebye. 4yrs worth of SHIT crammed into 2hr exams for each subject. niii ce. NXT 2 YRS: I intend to start over. I will buy a sexy organizer and sex up my schedule to fit in studying- what do you think ?(!!)     oh yea, I am slick, baby, SLIICK.       [ I amuse myself so much sometimes it can't be healthy. ]

QUESTION: what do can you do when one friend mouths off another friend? & obviously you digress & you don't appreciate what they're saying BUT I've always believed to each their own: you can have yr own opinions and judgements and I'll have mine, it doesn't change our friendship. but then, despite not participating in their gripes & rants is it wrong /bad anyhow by not defending yr other friend?  ( I hate being caught in the middle. what's a girl to do? )

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

Friday, November 8th, 2002
7:44 pm - resist everything but temptation
there is something ridiculously wrong with catching a cold in summer. ( DON'T KISS SICK BOYS. )   esp. today: 40°C + !!!!!   ice -cream for breakfast/lunch/dinner, drenched with water bombs & semi -nakedly sunbaking in the quads . [ Speaking of which, there has DEFINITELY been an increase in the UV rays, girls. it ain't just statistics: I could swear I felt my right leg burning !! &you thought I couldn't turn RED !! ugh. ] spending this wkend wearing as little clothing as possible: tan lines make me laugh.
Thursday, November 7th, 2002
4:57 pm - shake yr body/ don't stop don't miss
someone hacked into the yrbook computer.

3 :25PM yesterday,
only 10MINS after
I LEFT THE FUCKING ROOM !!!

screwed up the files,
deleted the 5-hr-long collages
& messed with the final document.

I AM SICK [sneezin' in summer] AND SO TIRED OF THIS.

on the other hand, my fabulous friends
are not-so-secretly planning something
for next friday. (they suck at secrets.)

!! ! !! !! ! break the rules

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